A composition written by me

Hi guys! Would you all like to take a look at a composition I have written? Here it is:
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“Boom! Crash!” claps of thunders came roaring from the dark sky. A great mass of raindrops came crashing down on the ground. Silver puddles of water began to form. Several soccer players, including me, ran in different directions, trying to get shelter from the devilish rain.
I had been playing soccer with some of my friends. In my team, we had Jack as a striker, Ahmad as the goalkeeper and Tom as a mid-fielder. We had been playing against class 5F in Jurong Park. Some of their good players were Bin, Sam and Muthu, who had very high accuracy in kicking balls. One kick from any one of them and the ball would spin speedily towards the goalpost. We had played for only fifteen minutes and had already lost to their team 2-0. The next thing I knew, it started raining.
I was in a flutter of panic and desperately looking for shelter and there was none in sight. In a big park like this, I guessed the nearest shelter would probably be half a kilometre away. As I ran, I caught sight of a covered walkway not too far away. While I was running towards it, I saw a piece of foam on the ground. A dark cloud had been lifted from me. I thought that it was a good idea to use it as a temporary shelter. So I grabbed it, placed it on top of my head and continued running.
Just as I was about to reach the walkway, I heard an ear-piercing cry for help. I quickly looked around. Adjacent to the walkway I was running towards, was a wide jogging and cycling track. Jack was lying there. He was lying face up and seemed to have slipped and fell.
I ran towards him. At the same time, Ahmad, Tom, Bin, Sam and Muthu were running towards him. Apparently, they had also heard Jack’s cries for help. When we reached him, we found blood oozing out from the back of his head. He seemed to be unconscious. Seeing this, my heart was in my mouth.
“Oh no, what do we do now?” Panic-stricken Ahmad seemed to be in a state of confusion.
“Let’s call for an ambulance!” Tom whipped out his hand phone from his pocket and called for the ambulance. The person who answered the call promised that the ambulance would reach the park in about 10 minutes.
While waiting for the ambulance to come, I took a handkerchief, which I had always kept in my pocket. Following, I tore a long strip of cloth from my shirt. After that, I placed the handkerchief on the wound and used the strip of cloth to fasten the handkerchief on the wound. I did this to prevent further blood loss from his wound.
After about ten minutes, we heard a loud siren. There was no doubt but it was the ambulance! Two nurses carrying a long stretcher came out of the ambulance and lifted Jack onto it. They quickly rushed him into the ambulance. Just as the ambulance doors closed, it sped off to the hospital. After the ambulance left, we went home.
A day after that, I went to Jack’s home. When I asked his parents how Jack was, they said, “Oh, Jack has only suffered some minor injuries at the back of his head. Good thing his skull was not fractured! He should be able to be discharged in a week’s time.”
Hearing this, a smile of relief beamed on my face.
After a week, I telephoned Jack. Thankfully, he was at home and apparently, he had been discharged from hospital. I asked him, “Would you like a game of soccer? There will be a match against 5F again. It will start in half an hour’s time at Jurong Park.”
“You’re on!” Jack replied gleefully.
“See you at the park later! I answered gaily, as I changed into my soccer attire.
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